a new year already?

Wow! Tomorrow is a start of a new year! Goodbye 2010 and hello 2011.
This year has flown by but I am happy to see it gone and start off fresh with a new year and hopefully a new attitude. . I am determined to make things better for my self this year.
Lets see...2010. Not too much stands out other than the usual, school and friends. I can definitly say that I am not sad to see this year go. It has been one of the most stressful for me. Alot of new things and alot of the same. My views of many things including the future changed. I started an internship at my local humane society hoping to pad my college apps and ended up realizing I'll probably end up at a junior college. This use to freak me out, the fact that its just not...where "normal" overachievers end up. But I've realized that I've got my whole life ahead of me. Whats two years compared to the 60, 70, or even 80 years I still have to live. I'm only 16.
I've also come to terms with all my past friendships and such and just...understood them a bit better, learned that the past is the past and that it should stay there.
All in all, 2010 = changes , good and bad. 
A few signicant things that happened in 2010:
- Blogging
- Driving
- Failing grade (possibly - does a D count?)
- Braces
- New room
- Etc..

Resolutions:
- Work harder on school
- Walk my dog more often
- Try to make things easier for my parents (helping around the house, cooking, cleaning..)
- Stop procrastinating
- Stop being so hard on myself
- Speak out more

“ I’m going to cut to the chase. Life is too short to hang around with bitchy, negative people. So don’t. In high school you want to surround yourself with people who “get you.” You know. People who get your sense of humor and think you’re funny. True friends are those who support your dreams and cheer you on. They provide a soft place for you to fall and are there to comfort you (and eat cookies ‘n’ cream ice cream with you when you’re blue.) Real friends don’t slag you off the moment your back is turned or routinely put you down or humiliate you in front of others. Real friends don’t leave you out. Instead, real friends have your back. In other worlds, they’re fiercely loyal and protective. My friend describes finding real friends as finding your “tribe” which I think is the perfect way to describe it. Your tribe is made up of people you click with. People you can trust. People who would see the world the way you see it. People who like the same things as you. So choose your friends at school who are from your tribe and high school will be way more enjoyable. ”

:)

Hey guys! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!
I had a nice day, just sitting at home with my family. As for presents, I got a bunch of random stuff (money, clothes etc), but my big gift was a laptop! I've been needing a new computer for a while because the one I'm currently using is a dinosaur. We had it updated a few years ago, but it got a virus so we had to reset all the programming and stuff so its back to its original Windows 2000 form. Its so old it won't let me have Itunes on my computer so I've been living without my ipod for several months.I'm especially excited to install Itunes and update my ipod.
Hmm, what else, what else?
I doubt you all care but I painted my nails with Maybelline's Express Finish in the color Minty. Its like a minty pastel green.


It's my last week of freedom. I have to go back on the 3rd of Janurary. I'm glad were all starting off with a fresh start though, maybe this time I'll get a B in math. That'll be one of my new year resolutions.
Its almost 2011. Crazy stuff! Only 4 more days untill the new year. Whos excited? :)
XOXO

christmas eve

It's Christmas tomorrow!! I'm getting ready to go to church and thought I'd do a quick little blog post before going.
...Actually, I don't really have anything to say. Haha.
Well anyways, I hope you all had a nice day and if you celebrate Christmas, I hope its wonderful!
XOXO.

random

I'm craving jelly beans.. Just thought I'd let you all know.

“ I’ve learned that no matter what happen, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ”

i want a boy

I am jealous. I want a guy. Even if its just a simple little crush, the feeling you get from them are great. Something to wake up excited about, someone who makes me want to look my best and put my makeup on for.
My two best friends have found guys recently. One has a boyfriend and the other is still in the "friend" stage but is slowly make her way up. The friend-stage friend called me freaking about her hangout session with the guy tomorrow. It made me really miss that nervous-giddy-excited kind of of feeling.
I think(hope) its because of the lack of guys around me. I mean, there ones that school but they're the same crowd of guys from middle school. My two friends found their guys elsewhere. The one with the boyfriend actually moved to another school and the other met the guy through a community theater play.
School is a no go for guys. So where else? I don't do anything other than that. Well, that and my internship at the animal shelter but considering I'm just an intern, I don't usually meet guys that are my age level. I have passed the intern phase and will soon become a student volunteer, but I doubt I'll be put with any guy then too. So thats it. Thats my life. School and volunteering. Sad, isn't it.
I know I shouldn't need a boy to make me feel happy or complete and I shouldn't just sit here pining and wanting one to come. And I don't just want one just for the sake of wanting one. I should be able to wait for the perfect guy.  I've got my whole life ahead of me.Why rush, right? Thats true, but easier said than done.  I want just to feel those perfect-melt-your-heart movie moments that you see everywhere; the ones people sing songs about, and the ones that people like Nicolas Sparks write about. I want to feel wanted and loved. I want someone to wrap there arms around me and hold me and just make me feel like a princess.
Someday, I'll have those perfect movie moments. I guess I just gotta wait. I can totally do that.. But aybe tomorrow, some totally hot amazing guy will show up at my door step. Haha, highly unlikely, but hey, a girl can dream.

music

I've been a bit down lately, for a bunch of stupid reasons that I'm not even completely sure of. I don't know, I just feel kinda empty and...kinda lost. I keep thinking about math, which is really stupid because I'm letting some grade rule my life, but its not just that. I mean it is, but its more of the fact that I'm going to let my parents down. They'll be so disappointed. They don't know. As childish as it may be, I've hidden the last few progress reports. I thought I'd be able to raise up my grade in time for the semester grades. But I didn't. I've been thinking about my future, college, all that fun stuff. And I'm afraid that I'll never be able to make anything  of my self. I used to think I was smart, but now I've realized I just do the work. I don't actually know anything. I keep my grade up by doing things like homework or projects. But when it comes down to tests, or anything where you have to apply your knowledge, I don't even know where to start. I just feel...stupid. And I'm afraid that I am. Anyway, enough with all this "I'm such a failure" stuff. I have a habit of just pushing things away. I like to pretend I'm not sad, which works most of the time but at some point you have to do something to let out your frustrations and anger.  As cliche as it may seem, I turn to music and food. So, I thought I'd list the songs I listen to most when I'm sad. I thought about listing the kinds of food I eat, but I don't have a specific type of food, I just eat what ever looks good in the fridge.
These are all about relationships but, I mean, they do give you that sad wallowing in self pity kinda effect, so it works.

1. Breathe - Taylor Swift
2. Broken - Lifehouse
3. Break Even - The Script
(These all start with the letter B...strange...)
4. No Surprise- Daughtry

awkward little "secrets"

This post-idea-thing is stolen from Voice of a Nerd. These are just some of the random awkward things I do.

- I have watched all the episodes of Wizards Of Waverly Place and Hannah Montana. I know, Its ridiculous. Here I am in my junior year of high school and I still watch crazy shows meant for elementary kids. I do, however watch normal shows too. My favorites are One Tree Hill, Life Unexpected and Glee.
- I am horrified of raw meats. And eggs. I rather have my food burnt than have the possibility of finding the pink parts in a steak or the mushy bits of an egg.
- I do everything in unnoticed patterns. Example: Sidewalks - One foot on crack the other on the middle. French-Fries - Longer fries are eaten in 3 bites, Shorter ones in 2.
- I eat my feelings. 
- The reason all my post titles aren't capitalized is because in one of my first posts I couldn't figure out whether "of" should be capitalized or not.
- I cry about everything. When I'm mad, sad, happy, I cry. I'm just a crier.
- Sometimes I make sounds unconsciously. Last year in history class while doing book work, I made a very quiet "meow" kinda sound. I didn't think anyone would hear me. One kid turned around and asked me if I meowed. I denied it. Everyone around him thought he was high and "tripping".
- I am proud of how much of a goody- two shoes I am. And usually I'm an overachiever but this year, I just lost my game.
- Sometimes, I conjure up imaginary people and have conversations with them in my head.

That is all I can think of for now, but this was a fun post so a part 2 might be coming up. XOXO

"Bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you’re not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. The big moments are gonna come, you can’t help that. It’s what you do afterwards that counts, that’s when you find out who you really are."

winter break

It is officially winter break. I am SOOO SOOO happy.Now I can do to sleep when I want, And wake up when I want. Haha. I can eat whenever I want too. :) As you may or may not already know, I'm a total foodie.
Thats it for now..But I'm sure I'll be back later. This was a pretty bland post ( as if my other ones are more exciting), So I try to think of something more exciting (which probably wont happen)...

XOXO

done!

I am done with math! ...For this semester anyway.
But it feels so good! Like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders! I'm free!!!!
I do think I bombed the test though...Whatever. I could care less (thats a lie)!!!

That was all I wanted to say....I got new nail polish today! It's the Maybelline Express Finish set. They are soo pretty! My favorite is "Rapidly Rosy".
Yes. I am procrastinating. BUT only one day left! I can do it! One more day. YES! Sooo happy! Winter vacation here I come!

tomorrow..

..Is my math final! AHHHHH!
 I better get studying. Only I won't. I'm such a bad study-er, But I guess I should at least try.
Wish me luck everyone! Todaloooo.

what do i call these random lists?

- Again, its finals week.
- Soooo ready for the week to be over. Can't wait for winter break.
- School gets out super early tomorrow. 12:31. YES! And might I point out, that extra minute. Odd stuff. 
- Just tried to curl my hair, got bored and gave up. It takes wayy to long..
- I really should be studying..And finishing up my review sheet, but hey, only 10 more problems left.
- My grades are shit this year. Well, other than math, there not too bad but compared to my usual there bad. I have basically all Bs. They are really close to an A-, though, so maybe it'll go up with finals? Doubtfull, I'm a horrible test taker.
- I think I"ll end up with a C in math... Definitely not what I would have liked but hey, It better than an F.
- Christmas is soo soon! I can't believe it.
- I guess with all this math grade stuff, I just lost track of time. I haven't done any Christmas shopping though. I gotta get on that.
- I want to repaint my nails, but I know if I do, I'll never start my history stuff. I can't use a pencil when my nails aren't dry.
- I have some random Avril Lavienge song stuck in my head. Weird. Its from like forever ago. I don't know the title but it goes something like, "And the memories so close to me just fade away, all this time you were pretending so much for my happy ending.." I think its "Happy Ending" or "Ending" ?
- I got a new calender. Its pretty and matches my wall. Haha. My walls are teal and a light cucumber green. The top half is teal and the bottom half is green. Not the calender, my wall. The calender has a light paisly flowerly design behind the date boxes.
- Yeah, I'm not sure why I decided it was necessary to decribe my calander to you, but I did do so.
- Okay, I guess I better get started on that study guide now.
- XOXO

“ Do you ever just get that feeling where you don’t want to talk to anybody? You don’t want to smile & you don’t want to fake being happy but at the same time you don’t know exactly what’s wrong either, there isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone, people have stopped being comforting, & being alone never was. At least when you’re alone no one constantly asks you what’s wrong & there isn’t anyone who won’t take “I don’t know” for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon & that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait. ”

day nine

Two smily faces that describe how I am feeling:
:P and  :|

random question 1

Random Question #1. 
What spells can you cast with magic markers?

The objects I draw will come to life...Not exactly come to life, but it'll become a real 3d object you can hold and feel. Like if I draw an apple, it won't be an apple that talks and walk, It'll just pop out of the page and I'll eat it. Unless I draw a face on the apple, then it will actually come to life and I'd have an upbeat conversation about kangaroos with it.
Come to think of it, I am craving a candy cane so I think I'll draw my self one..Just in case your wondering, no it does not have a face.

If you guys have any fun random questions for me, please leave a comment! :)
xoxo.

day eight

3 turn ons:

1. Good looks - It may seem shallow, but how could you be with someone your not attracted to?
2. Putting in a little extra effort to make me smile and feel happy.
3. Trustworthiness - making me feel safe.

listing

- Its the end of dead week. Thank god. I have so many review sheets to do this weekend, its crazy.
- My contacts are drying on me...Hold on, I'm making my self yawn. Whenever I yawn, I get teary so it re-wettens my contacts. Just a little fun fact.
- My friends and I sang along to Jason Mraz in High Tech Burrito today and another table joined in. Made my day.
- I love it. I love to sing. There just something about it, losing your self in the music. It makes you much more of a happy person. I don't think I have gone one day without singing, I really dont..
- I'm craving macaroni and cheese.
- I'm super excited for winter break. Just gotta get through finals... :|
- I've had Taylor Swift's Sparks Fly stuck in my head ALL DAY. Still is there. 
- I don't know what else to list....Booooooo
- I'm getting a little bored with the 10 day challenge. Its probably because I don't have any good answers to them.. Oh well.
- I like rambling. I'm just out of things to ramble about....

--Listening to : Only Exception - Paramore

“ You know that moment you feel when you wake up and realize you have more time to sleep? Or, when you accidentally overhear someone say something nice about you? Or when you see someone you like and your heart races? Or even when you reach a goal you set for yourself? Now, remember what that feels like - and next time you’re upset, or sad, or crying - think about that feeling. ”

day seven

Four turnoffs:

1. Bad hygiene
2. Big ego
3. Shallow-ness
4. No compassion

day six

I feel like I've done this or something like this before... Did I? Maybe it was just in my head???? Hm....

Five people who mean alot :
1. My parents
2. My sister
3. Jessie Lark
4. Hannah Jelman
5. Malina Core

6. Leo (my dog)

its possible.

So. Finals are next week..Meaning its impossible to get my grade up. I'm going to fail. Adjdhfhgsgs. I don't even know what to do. What am I going to do??!! Its too late to do anything.. I have a test retake tomorrow but it'll be averaged out with the original score, 33%, so even if I get a 100% the highest it would go is a 66%. I'm screwed. What am I going to do!!?! I AM LOSING IT.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
The extra credit still hasn't been entered in...so...if I get a 100% (which is doubtfull) my tests percentage will go up to a 76%. And then homework would be 100.7%.....but quizzes are still at a 47%....so that would put me around a C-? If I ace my finals....a B?
Its possible. But unlikely. But possible. And unlikely. But possible.  POSSIBLE. POSSIBLE.POSSIBLE. POSSIBLE.
AHHHHHH. Wish me luck guys. I will definitely need it.
ASDFGHJKLSDFGLXCVUYIOLSXCIONK:WXRCTVYBUNOIMLZSXDCFVGHJK
I'M SO SCARED. ASDFGHJKLOAIYSD&ADFAGHD

day five

6 things I wish I'd never done. Well this ones tough. We all have regrets. But I'm not sure if I can pick 6 and just list them. I think I'll be skipping this one. But that would mean I failed the challange. Well, technically I already did because this is my 6th day, not 5th. I missed a day. Hmm, well I guess I'll try to make this general. Bare with me, this will be a lame post.

1. Said what I said.
2. Done what I did.
3. Didn't say what I should have said.
4. Didn't do what I should have done.
5. Not giving things my all. I could have done so much better.
6. Ditto on all those ^^^

“ I don’t know what I want to do with my life, I just know I want to do it. I want to see my world. I want to meet every single person breathing on this earth. I want to give everyone a hug or a handshake and I want to make someone’s life a little easier. I want to be different than the people I know because that’s what makes us beautiful. ”

day four

7 things that pass my mind alot:

1. The past.
2. The future.
3. Grades.
4. Friends.
5. Boys.
6. Food.
7. Random-est things.

-- Listening to: No Surprise by Daughtry 

day three

8 ways to win my heart:

1. Make me laugh
2. Make me feel special
3. Be able to keep up a conversation. I'm horrible at that, so I'd need the other person to be able to keep it going and interesting.
4. Don't be cocky. Unless its a sarcastic awkwardly cute but funny kinda way.
5. Stand up for me when some one says/does something mean
6. Don't be afraid to be different. I'm weird, I'd need someone to be weird with me.
7.Make me feel loved ans wanted
8. Cheesy romantic gestures. I love that stuff

“ Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope. ”

--Listening to : Hello Hollywood by Olvia Mitchell

day two

1. I'm 5'3/8
2. I get things in my eye alll the time. I think they just attract things like lint and eyelashes..
3. I have read my favorite book, Flipped, at least 30 times.
4. I listen to my favorite songs on repeat until I get tired of them, and then move on to another favorite.
5. I go through phases where I obsess over a particular thing. Latest obsession: candles and french fries.
6. I am currently eating blueberries
7. I prefer the toilet paper to roll off the top
8. I like the smell of freshly wet cement.
9. I think I may be allergic to the cold. I get itchy and blotchy pink.

day 1

Five things I want to say to 5 different people:

1) I'm so glad I have you as a friend. Part of the best friend relationship is making fun of each other. So, I'd just like to say that I have no idea how a person can love vampires so much, but you do, and... I find it weird. 
2) I never thought things would have been this way. I'm sorry. I take back the things I said. I wanted you out of my life so I let everything loose, all my hurt feelings, every little thing you did wrong. I know I hurt you, I'm sorry. I miss you so much.
3) Why can't you let any of us in? Share a little? C'mon, a little crush, a favorite song, something.. personal? What are you so afraid of? We won't judge you. Promise.
4) Can't you see that no one wants you here? You've used up all your second chances. Go away.
5) Its so weird looking back. Seems like such a long time ago, and granted it was. What happened? We were best friends, the three of us. I still remember that last day of the 6th grade, us sitting on the bench with the sugar cookies we bought with the change found in the bottom of our backpacks. That one of the first bonding experiences we had. All those talks, laughs, and that fall down the stairs. Haha.  We were so young and silly. I miss it.

ten day challange

Day One: Five things you want to say to five different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

..

last day of thanksgiving break

HOMEWORK.

another list

- I'm trying to work on my extra credit for math, its a challenge....
- Tomorrow is Turkey Day! Gobble Gobble.
- Listening to Taylor Swifts new album for the hundredth time. I'm getting a tad sick of it. Maybe I'll create a new playlist on youtube after this...
- I just watched the new glee episode. I don't think I could even how how many times I awwwed.
- My feet are cold, I need to put on socks
- Other than my math grade, I'm pretty content with where I am now. I've learned that if you set your expectations low and don't expect too much from people you'll be happier.
- False happiness? I'm not sure.
- I want french fries. Or latkas.
- I love love love potatoes.
- I just put on knee socks. They are grey and blue argle patterned.
- I watched a rerun of Greek today and I will admit that I still think Jesse McCartney is still the hottest thing ever. He is so damn pretty. 
- Painted my toes with the color "extravaganza". Its a  dark red with gold glimmer. I really like it, I've repainted it several times this fall, which is weird because I usually like to change it up. 
- I've been spelling weird wrong lately. I knew how to spell it, but I think I've trained my self to spell it incorrectly. Like "wierd". It looks pretty normal for a misspelled word right? hmm...
- Have a happy turkey day tomorrow everyone! :)

xoxo. gobble gobble.

oh how i love lists

- Today was the last day of school this week. Soo sooo happy.
- I have a TON of extra credit work for Algebra. Totally ready to get my grade up.
- I want soup.
- Its cold and rainy today. Not too fond of it.
- I have 3 followers. Thats pretty exciting. I'm going up in the blogging world. Thanks to the 3 who followed me, it means alot. :) Its nice to know that someone is actually reading my posts.
- Awwww, my dog looks sooo  cute! He is sleeping on my bed with his head rested on his toy bear. Precious!
- I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do with this 5 day weekend. Homework, food and tv I assume?
- I have become obsessed with candles.
- I'm weird. I obsess over things too much.
- I say I'm weird too often. But its true.
- What else, What else....Hmmm.
- Nothing

Todaloo. XOXO.

i talk to people in my head

Oh, am I bored of this place. I would love it if everyone except my friends and family were shipped to....Ohio(Why OH? I have no idea. ) and traded with the people there.
I just want something new and fun and exciting.
Most of all, I want a boy.
I want someone who will hold me and kiss me, and just make me feel special.
There is noone in this town who I'd want to be with or would want to be with me.  I want a preppy, nerdy, goody-two shoes kinda guy. Cute, awkward and funny. Oooh, with a british accent that I can make fun of, not in a mean way, In a cute i-love-it kinda way. Haha, no.. He doesn't have to have an accent but that definitely would be an added bonus.
I was walking home the other day behind this really cute boy. After staring at his back for like 7 minutes, I started imagining us talking. I do that alot, pick people and have conversations with them in my head, I know, I'm weird. Anyway, this is how it went.
He turned into the street where I live. We keep walking, and he turns around once or twice, trying to figure out if I'm following him. I'm not. (haha.) He turns around again.
I say , "Don't, worry I'm not following you."
He says, "Oh, Umm, no, I just thought you were wa- okay, Yeah, I thought you were following me."
I say, "No, I don't normally follow people home."
He says, "Glad to hear it."
Now we continue walking and talking and bonding. We reach my house. We stand there.
I say, "Well, this is my stop. It was nice talking to you."
He says, "It was nice talking to you too. Hey, if your walking to school tomorrow, we could, you know, walk together."
I say, "Yeah, I'd really like that."
He says, "Me too."
We stare into each other's eyes. He leans in, I tip-toe, and we kiss.

If only, but when I turned, he continued walking. But, thats life. Sigh.

awwww

Cheesy things like these make me "Aaaaawwww!"

 

Boy : *Phoned girl*
Girl : * Picks up* Yea honey?
Boy : I lost my way, I can't find my way home
Girl : You kidding?
Boy : I'm serious, I asked for directions from passersby, but none of them can lead me home
Girl : What did you asked ?
Boy : Directions to your heart

my room...

..smells yummy.
I got two candles yesterday, one Vanilla Cup Cake scented and the other is Candy-Cane. The Candy-Cane one is currently lit.
Yummy.
My room smells so nice and warm and it makes me feel nice and warm.

And the word fuzzy reminds me of llamas. Random. I'm aware.

XOXO.

random little stuff

- Ok, so I lied, I'm not giving up. I know, and after that dramatic post...But my grade went up to a D-, not much, but improving.
- I saw Harry Potter 7. It was AMAZING.  :))
- Rain, Rain, POURING rain
- I'm making chicken wings because I watched an episode of....I don't remember, Life Unexpected?, and they were having wings so I began to crave them
- I was supposed to go to a birthday party today, but it was cancelled because the club had a fire...bummer
- I organized and cleaned my room, I feel super accomplished
- I'm lighting a candle and my room smells so nice and warm :)
- Next week - TWO DAYS OF SCHOOL. Aaaahhhh! So excited!
- I want to go to Bath&Body Works so baddly....
- I really want a cake scented candle. Or something else thats sweet smelling. This is why I want to go to Bath & Body Works. Plus that store is amazing.
- My dogs are sleeping. Super cute.
- Thats it.

XOXO.

--Listening to : Sparks Fly - who other than Taylor Swift? I may have a problem..

giving up

I just can't do it anymore. I'm giving up.
I can't do it. Another math test back, and another F. Its just F after F after F.  I know it might sound stupid to you, I mean its just a grade right? Yes, its just a grade, but just that fact that I'm failing it is discouraging beyond belief. I'm so used to everything coming easy, I'm a good student.  I get As with the occasional B. I thought that once I just took a little initiative that everything would be alright. But its not. I'm trying, I really am. I've gotten a tutor, gone through everyone of my tests/quizzes, I always do my homework.  But I just feel so stupid. Its like, why can't I understand this? Is it really that hard or am I just too dumb to get it? It just feels like nothing will work out no matter how hard I try. And I'm done.  I can't handle this feeling of failure anymore. I just can't. I can't do it anymore. I'm done.

5 tswift songs

I have no idea how many of these "five ___" things I'm going to do. I"m not sure if they ever will. they are such perfect filler blogs. Its just naming your 5 favorite anything. Anyway. I feel like I say "anyway" to often. Maybe I should try and change that. Any-who. These are my 5 favorite Taylor Swift songs because I have been listening to her non-stop since her album came out. And I definitely could not pick 5 songs out of the 10 bazillion songs out there..

1. Breathe
2. Jump Then Fall
3. Ours
4. Mean
4. If This Was A Movie

perfect imperfections

I saw this tag on Youtube and decided I wanted to do a blog post on it. You name 3 imperfections(things you hate) and 3 perfections (things you like) about your self.

Imperfections:
1. My shortness and smallness. I don't mind it that much. Its just when ever people point it out that it gets to me. And because I'm so small, people alway think I'm wayy younger than and am and treat me like a little kid. Its always like, "No, your not 16! You can't be! Your so small!"
No, actually I am sixteen. And yes, I'm small.  Is it really necessary to point out? Do you people really think I'm not aware of my size? YES. I KNOW. I'm small. Get over it.
2. My nose. Its so small and flat. My glasses always slide down because my nose can't hold it up (not that I wear my glasses very often, I'm a contacts girl, but you get the point).
3. My teeth . I have braces. They suck. They hurt. Enough said.

Perfections:
1. My hair. I love my hair. Its really soft and smooth and naturally straight. It doesn't get messy too often and if it does, all I have to do is brush it. It can't hold a curl though, I wish it did.
2. My body. Other than being small, I like how I look. I am skinny and can eat whatever I want with out gaining a pound.
3. My complexion. I have pretty clear skin.

why must i procrastinate?

Four day weekend. Extra homework assigned. Math homework X2. History. Labs X2. APES. English Essay. Spanish X2.  Guess who decided to wait untill 5:00pm to start her homework?  Someones not going to get very much sleep tonight. Lovely. Just lovely.

I do, but I then again I don’t.
I will, but maybe I just won’t…

who knows..

 

Because I sure dont.

5 shows

This is "three" of the favorite 5 things...These are my favorite TV shows.

1. One Tree Hill
2. Life Unexpected
3. Glee
4. HellCats
5. The Secret Life Of The American Teenager

televison and food

Oh, what an exciting life I live. I have gotten today and friday off of school and I am spending it home, alone, watching last weeks episode of Hellcats that I missed and will watch reruns of Greek after it. What a life right?
No, but I actually dont mind it. Sure, it's not the most exciting thing that I could be doing, but I live for lazy days like this where I can just sit home and watch TV all day. It really is great.
It's one of those days where you sit at home and recharge and re-energize from your busy week.
I'm the kind of person who has to be doing something while I watch TV or a movie. So what I do is eat, eat and eat. When your watching TV, your kind of in a mesmerized state of mind and you don't really think about eating, its just something you do, you know? Like if you leave a bag of chips in front of you, you going to unconsciously reach for another chip even if you don't want them anymore. Food and TV are a bad combination if you trying to lose weight or anything. I guess it'll benefit me because I'm underweight (I'm not anorexic or anything, I'm just naturally skinny with super speedy metabolism).
I'm not saying I would pass up going out with friends to sit at home to watch and eat, but Its definitely not the worst thing in the world.

5 movies

This is kind of a "part two" to the "5 books" post. This is a list of my top five favorite movies..

1. The Notebook
2. The Perfect Man
3. Little Manhatten
4. Raise Your Voice
5. Click

..

failure is not an option

Oh my, what a stressful couple of weeks.
Number one reason for that : Algebra 5-6.
Im failing it. With a 50.62%. Its bad. Real bad. Every time I think of it, I shrink a little. Its make me want to curl up, hide under my covers and never get out...
Math has always been my worst subject. Even doing back to the days of elementary school, it has always been a challenge for me. This year, it the worst. My grade in that class is based on my performance on tests and quizzes. They make up 85% of the grade. The only reason I passed Geometry last year is because of my 100% in homework and lots of extra credit. But, that was when tests and quizzes were only worth 45% of the grade. So I'm kind of screwed. I'm getting tutored one day a week, but that hasn't seemed to help too much. I'm trying, I really am. I guess I'm not giving it a 100%, but I feel like its so impossible and trying and not getting it makes me feel even worse. I just want to give up, and drop the class. But I cant.
Its so stupid. Its like my whole entire future depends on that one class. I'm a pretty good student, I get all A's with the occasional B. College is definiety in the plan...Well, If i get in. What college will accept me with an F in my transcript? None. Not any good ones anyway.
Its horrible. Everytime I walk into that class I feel like a rock has been placed on my back. Its so heavy and discouraging.
I know, I'm being dramatic. This probably isn't very fun to read. But its all I've been thing of.
You know what? I'm going to do fine. I will. All this sulking and complaining won't do anything. I just need to work at it. Failure is not an option. I just need to give it 95%. 100 is just impossible, that would be pushing all my other classes and responsiblitys to the side and I need to keep track of them too.
But I can do it. I guess all the added pressure is getting to me. If I fail (which I won't ) its not the end. I can always go to community college and transfer to a better school. I could get into UC Davis. Why settle for UC Merced or some lame college if I could go there?
I can do it, But if I cant? Its not the end. I'll be fine. I'll be fine. Right?

5 books

Yes, another one. If you have read most of my posts, you know that I love making lists. They are simple, easy and from my point of view, mildly entertaining . And considering I am a bit of a book worm, I have many many favorites. But because I didn't want to like 20 books that I like, I decided to just pick five books that I have read that entered my mind when I read them, and have just stuck. And nowwwww, I now present to you five amazing books:

1. Alice series by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
2. Flipped by Wendelin Van Draanen
3. Click Here by Denise Vega
4. Dear John by Nicolas Sparks
5. Swear to Howdy by Wendelin Van Draanen

-- Listening to : Ours by T.Swift

don't be a halloweenie!

Halloween. I am dressing up as a ..................BUSH.
Yes, I am well aware, its a little weird! But my friend is also going to be a bush too, and as long as you've got a friend doing that completely insane thing, its okay...right? Ehh...maybe.
But hey, its Halloween! The one day of the year where you can dress up as anything you want and you won't get weird stares (you probably will, but its acceptable..) So lets make the best of it.
 Ok. So back to the bush. It took a few hours but was well worth it. Originally, we planned on just wrapping the Christmas garland we got from Michaels Craft Store around our bodies but once we did, it just looked like we wrapped a garland on our selves - which we did. But t didnt give the bush effect. So, with help from our other friend, we cut the garland into pieces and linked them all together to form chains and sewed it on to our large green t-shirts. We had made tree-shirts! Get it? Tree-shirts? Like t-shirts only a tree? Hahaha, I'm so funny....

....

tweeting

I'll admit it. I have a Twitter and I'm a little obsessed. There have been a few times where my friends had talked about the stupidity of Twitter. Whenever these happened, I found my self agreeing with them. Its really not that great. I still love it though. I know, whats so great about knowing what people are doing as they are doing it? Nothing. I can't explain it, but I find it highly entertaining. Its a little like Facebook, but just status updates.
Its a little ironic, I just shook myself off of my Facebook addiction and into my new Twitter addiction.
I'm wierd, I guess I just like things too much. Theres not too many things that I really really like. Everything is just "okay", "fine", or "nice". But when I really get into things, I become obsessed. A few examples include: chapstick, nailpolish, Facebook, One Tree Hill, Twitter, Youtube, and Blogger. Yeah, I like those things ALOT. That sounds awkward.
Ok, well I've got to scadaddle. I hope you enjoyed my little ramble. )Oooooh, That's another one. I love to ramble.
If you have a Twitter, follow me! http://twitter.com/#!/fyheart

-- Listening to : Mean - T.Swift

mr. tummy is warm and happy

Theres nothing better than a cup of hot chocolate on a cold day. This is just a picture I found on the internet because I just don't think its necessary to take a picture of the one I am now drinking. Any who, I have a question for all of you. Why do people put marshmallows in their hot chocolate? Now, don't get me wrong, I love marshmallows. My cup has one sitting in it right now, I just don't see the reasoning behind it. I mean, does it taste different? Maybe my sense of taste is just dull, but I think it tastes the same as when there are no marshmallows in it. Maybe its because of the layer of foam it produces at the top? I can't explain that one...again, it doesn't make it taste different because the foam doesn't taste like anything. Maybe it just makes the texture of the hot chocolate creamier. I guess the reason I add them is because, I don't know, that's just kinda what you do and its nice to see them floating at the top.
Well, I'm having one of those rare moments where I am done with my homework before 10:00pm so I think I'll continue to listen to Taylor Swifts new album, Speak Now. I love it!

-- Listening to: The Story of Us - Taylor Swift

oth

The new episode of One Tree Hill just started so this will be short...

But I just needed to say that I HATE the new begining of the episodes. You know, the part where they play the theme song and display little clips of the characters with their actual names? Yeah, well now instead of Gavin Degraw singing the show's theme song, "I Don't Want To Be", its random people singing his song.

And it changes every week. The first time they changed it, it was Kate Voegele and I actually liked that because shes really really good and plays the singer, Mia Catalano on the show, so it makes sense. But I really hate that they have random people singing and they all sing the song differently and change its melody. Ugh! I hate it! I hate it!

Ahh, the commercal is over, so this is the end of my rambling.

Oh, btw, no scary commercals tonight! Yay!

XOXO

procrastination in action

Favorite ways to procrastinate.... My methods are endless but here are a couple:

- Facebook -- This one is by far the worst one, once you become addicted, you will be checking it constantly. Being addicted to Facebook will result in a loss of time, assuring that homework will never be done before 10:00 pm. That is the reason why I have developed a little rule for my self : No Facebook on the weekdays except Friday. This has saved me hours. It takes a lot of will power but is well worth it - do it if you can.

- Nail Polish -- I am obsessed with nail polish. Its so much fun, so many colors to choose from. It only takes about 5-10 minutes but that doesn't include drying time. And if your anything like me, you will smudge it or do something to mess it up and will try to fix it by adding another coat. By the time you're done polishing your nails, you realized that you have to wait for it to dry, and the drying time is increases significantly because of the number of layers. So, you decide to pull up a youtube video or a rerun of a show you want to watch and wait for it to dry. 

- TV -- I don't think this one needs an explanation.

- Eating -- I am a big fan of food, but then again, who isn't? You might think that this isn't very procrastinate-y because we all gotta eat, but this is usually paired with TV watching.

- Organizing / Cleaning -- Who in the world want to do this? I know, its crazy, but I will do anything if it means I can stall doing my homework. I actually would rather stare at a wall. Sad, but true. Now, I hate cleaning so I organize. I realize that doesn't make much sense, organized but messy, but I don't organize my room. I do little things like my alphabetizing my book shelf, putting my shirts and jewelry in the order of the colors in the rainbow. Little easy things like that are kinda fun and amusing in a strange way.

- Finding new blog layouts/backgrounds -- Similar to nailpolish...So many colors, so little time.

- Blogging -- I am currently procrastinating by blogging on my favorite ways to procrastinate. Need I say more?

-- Listening to: Just The Way You Are - Bruno Mars

i live inside a shell...

That is inside a wall, that is under a fort, that is inside a tunnel, that is under the see...where I'm safe from you.

But if you really loved  me, you'd find me.

-- Listening to: Come On Get Higher - Matt Nathanson

afdasfsdf

 

I never know what to title these..

random thoughts after showering

- I don’t want to go to school tomorrow.

- For the first time in a long time, I didn’t sing any Taylor Swift in the shower. In fact, I barely sang at all. I’m blaming this on the fact that I have to go to school tomorrow.

- My three day weekend was pretty awesome. It was the perfect combination of  wasting time on the computer and doing things with friends. To be honest, it feels like this mini mini mini-vacation has been longer than three days, but I’m still dreading the return to school tomorrow.

- There’s something about fall and the fact that I wear a lot of layers for my pj’s (to stay really warm because I get really cold at night) that makes me combine the most mismatching items together. I’ve never had an alcoholic beverage in my life (other than a fake sip of wine at my first communion), but if anyone saw what I was wearing right now, they’d swear I was drunk when I picked it out. Luckily, I actually get dressed before going to school and no one participates in pajama day in high school.

- Did I mention that I don’t want to go to school tomorrow? Well, I don’t. Really.

- Lists are easy and fun to write. And every thought I have had for the past couple of days has been related to school.


-- Listening to : Catch Me - Demi Lovato

these are a few of my non-favorite things

Seeing as I am out of post ideas, I decided to tweak one of my past filler blogs. I thought about doing Part 2 of my favorite things, but that was created only a couple weeks ago, so I don't have too much to add to the list.

Instead this is a list of things I don't like.

- Bananas, milk, raisins, fish. Bleckk

- When the weather is just out of whack and you do not know what to expect.

- Homework

- Tests

- Not having done things when you had the chance

- High expectations

- Replaying conversations in your head and thinking of things you should have said

- Having to take off your comfortable pajamas to put on uncomfortable jeans 

- When it smells like rain, but it never actually rains

- Hot weather

- When you're joking, and someone takes you seriously

- You leave your favorite chapstick in another bag/purse 

- Chapped lips

- Cold feet - Literally and figuratively

- The transition from open toed shoes in the summer to closed toe shoes for the fall - thus making your feet feel like they are being strangled.

- Concentrated light

- Losing just one sock, and having to wear mismatched socks - even if you like mismatched socks, the fact that you can't makes you want to

- The fact that weekends are just wayyy too short

- Having to put in my contacts every single morning and taking them off every single night

- Being strangled by scarves

- School

- Bugs

- Annoying people

-- Listening to: You and I - Ingrid Michaelson

whats shaped like a triangle, has a yellow top, orange middle and white tip?

CANDYCORN.

Love it. I just got back from Safeway and just opened a bag of yummy candy corn. I've been craving this stuff for a few days after it came up in conversation during history class. I've had quite a few pieces and it's making me feel kinda sick but I can't help reaching for more.

I mean, it's right in front of me, whats am I supposed to do? I can't just look at it and NOT eat it!

I know, I've got a bit of a problem. Thank god, I have a super speedy metabolism or I'd be fat.

:) <3

Listening to: Dynamite - Taio Cruz

love love love one tree hill

who's a scaredy cat?

Me. I cannot handle the horror movie commercials. They scare me.

I was in the middle of the new episode of Gossip Girl and had to turn off the TV. Usually, I just turn the sound on mute and do something else till the show comes back on but there just were wayyyy to many horror movie commercials on tonight.

I know, I'm a big baby. Its okay, I don't really mind. I like going to bed without replaying the commercials in my head. Which I will do if I see them.

Scary movies stick with me for a really long time. And so do scary movie commercials.

It's okay though, I can always watch the episode online tomorrow. Its definitely better than hiding under my covers tonight. Thank god the world has websites like Hulu and Fancast. I'd be lost without them. Haha.

-- Listening to : I'll be - Edwin McCain

internet = evil

Oh. My. God.

I've been TRYING to do my homework all day. ALL DAY. But because of this strangely addicting world of technology, I can't. I couldn't even count the times I have clicked in and out of Facebook in the last hour. Really, its pathetic. Whats worse, is that I'm not even aware I'm doing it. I vowed to not go on Facebook for a week, (after like...7 o'clock?) Within the next 5 minutes, I clicked back on the page and started scrolling down the newsfeed without even realizing that two minutes ago, I promised myself I wouldn't.  And even now, I'm supposed to be finishing up my lab book for AP Environmental Science, but I'm blogging about not doing my homework instead. I have to finish my lab book, and get started on my math homework, book work for history and finish an english essay. But what am I doing? Blogging.

Isn't that absolutely insane? It is, isn't it. There must be something wrong with me. I HAVE TO DO MY HOMEWORK. I have SO much to do. Like SOOO much.

What am I still doing blogging about it? AHHHHH.

Ok, You know what? I can do it. I can do it. I am going to do my homework. Right now. now. now. OK. NOW.

the only thing that will stop you from full-filling your dreams is you

braceface

Oh no, You heard right. Braces.

Three weeks from now I will have a mouth full of metal. Or ceramic. Depending on which one I get. I much rather prefer the ceramic one, I mean, I know you can see it but less than metal braces. A little is better than none at all right? I'm not sure.

I was so hopeful last week. I knew I was going to get braces eventually, But I assumed that I'd be getting invisialign. So really, it didn't matter that I was getting them because you cant see it. But after they looked at the pictures, xrays and the mold they made of my teeth, they told me that I was not a "canidate" for invisalign becuase of the wierd tooth sticking out of my gums.

Anyways. I have to get braces. I'm in high school now. Why did my parents wait till' now to get me braces. Everyone else did in middle school. Boo. I guess it could be worse. Like going into college with braces. I'll get them off at the end of senior year so I wont have then in college. Thank god.

Until next time. XOXO

-- Listening to: Teenage Dream - Katy Perry

these are a few of my favorite things

Seeing as the school year has started and the usual procrastionation routine has begun, I've decided to introduce a concept I've been toying with for a few days...my own version of a "filler blog"

Without further ado, here are  a few of my favorite things:

- Summer

- Quotes you live by
- One Tree Hill (some pretty great quotes from this show ^^^)

- Days when you feel unexpectedly beautiful- from the inside and out

- Hanging out with my best gal friends

- Root beer and orange soda. Not together, although I have not yet tried them together. I guess that'll be something to add on my "things to try" list.

- Glittery things

- Shimmery things

- Sitting rapped in blankets all snug with a cup of hot chocolate when its raining

- My dog

- The deep conversations before going to bed at sleepovers

- Sleepovers

- Days where the weather is just...comfortable. 
- Songs that relate exactly to the way you are feeling
- Getting into a really good book
- That feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction
- Socks

- Nailpolish

- Bath&Body Works

- Nivea chapstick

- Fall/Autumn - which every you prefer to call it. I use fall but autumn sounds nicer, hmmm maybe I'll start calling it autumn.

- Sleeping in and waking up whenever

- Smelling anything, and being reminded of something else

- Feeling warm and fuzzy inside

Stay tuned for part two- it's sure to come one of these days. 

driving, driving, driving

Two days ago, I had my first driving lesson. It was soo scary, but so exciting at the same time.

The driving instructor came to my house and then, off we went. It was surprising actually, he only took about 5 minutes to tell me where the gas/brake pedal was, how to use the lights, wind shield wipers ect, and then we started driving.

I thought it would take alot longer. We started around my neighborhood, then to an empty parking lot to practice my turns, then to the curvy roads of China Camp. I was so scared. I thought I was going to drive us off the cliff and we'd die. Obviously, I didnt (duh). Haha.

It went pretty well, considering it was my first..but my legs are really sore. It was alot of driving - two hours. Okay, so maybe thats not alot, but I was extremely nervous and tense so that's probably why..

The driving intructor had his own set of pedals, so I wasn't really sure how much he was driving and how much I did. But, I was the one who steered. so yay. Anyway, I'll keep on practicing. Wish me luck, I hope I don't die. XOXO

-- Listening to : King of Anything - Sara Bareilles

..

blast from the past

Its crazy to think about how much has changed in the last few years.. I miss it. 

chapstick addiction

Hi, I'm Michelle and I'm a chapstick-oholic.

Its a little sad really. I can't remember a time when I didn't have a tube of chapstick in my pocket or in my bag.

One of the first things I do in the morning is to reach for my chapstick and one of the last things I do before going to bed. I've never actually counted the number of times I apply chapstick during the day, and frankly I don't want to know. Don't worry, my extensive research on chapstick has led me to believe that consuming ridiculous amounts of chapstick is not a health hazard... You know, just as long as your not chomping away at the stuff. (I think that would be considered consuming extremely ridiculous amounts of chapstick as opposed to just ridiculous amounts of chapstick.)

So you know what?  It is okay. There is no need to be ashamed, in fact, you should embrace it...okay, maybe not. I think I've gone a bit too far..

But to all the chapstick addicts in the world, I say: keep applying!

yay me

Hey! I got my permit! Yay! Even despite it being Friday the 13th, I passed with a 100%. Whoo!

Anyways, that pretty much it. Much love. xoxo

testing testing...

Hello my lovely non-existent viewers!

Today I am taking my permit test! I'm a little late considering I'm already 16, but whatever. I know everyone passes their permit test, "its just about common sense!" but I'm super nervous! I've taken all 50 practice tests, provided by driversed.com,  I'm sure I've like memorized all the questions by now (they were pretty much the same questions after test 5) so I think I'll pass. Probably.  Maybe.  Hopefully. Ahhhhhh!!!! I'll cross my fingers!  Wish me luck! xoxo

post numero uno

Well, lookie here. Who got bored and decided to make a blog? Yep. You guessed right! ME.

So I'm not exactly sure what I should write about...hmm. Thats not good. Maybe I should have thought about this some more before creating a blog. Oh well. Too late.   

Okay. Well a little about me.  I'm a sixteen year old girl who looks wayyy younger than her age. But other than that, I'm relatively normal. Kinda. 

I mean, I'm small, but I think its just because I'm asian and I inherited the short gene. 

Ok, so I'm thinking about it and.. maybe I'm not normal. I'm sixteen and I've never had a boyfriend, never been kissed. I've pretty much missed out on all the typical teenage things like staying out late and partying. But, I guess its not that horrible, I mean, other than the fact that I've been deprived of all normal things teen-ish. But I'm comfortable. Okay, so maybe comfortable isn't exactly the right word. Well, it is, but that just makes it seem so lame and boring. I don't know, I'm happy, I'm content, I love the friends that I have and we always have lots fun (even if its a slap-happy kinda fun).
It's a small group of 5, the remainder of the original Miller Creek group of 13.
There's Jessie Lark, the girly-est of the group, and my best friend. Then there is; Malina Core, the girl who moved to the land of cow poo, Tinna Trin, the awkward clumsy girl, Hannah Jelman, the other awkward friend, and Kalvin Emaya, the closeted gay guy (or so we all think).

Anyway. Its currently the summer before my junior year of high school and I am still waiting for something exciting to happen. 

I live in Marnim, the richest county in California. Don't be fooled, were not all rolling around in stretch limos or anything . We're just the higher end of the middle class.

Marnim is the dullest place EVER. There is absolutely nothing to do, so the way most kids make up for lack of excitement, is by going into the Tarna Lunda hills to get high.

My friends and I aren't like that. We are above the influence. But that also means we are bored out of our minds most of the time. None of us can drive yet, so we cant go to the city or anywhere like that. So we just hang out anywhere walkable or bus-able. Mainly walkable places. That includes the Southgate "Mall", (which is hardly a mall at all, unless you count 5 shops), Safeway, and Rite Aid. 

Well, that's all for now.

Keep reading, something exciting is bound to happen eventually. XOXO