a new year already?

Wow! Tomorrow is a start of a new year! Goodbye 2010 and hello 2011.
This year has flown by but I am happy to see it gone and start off fresh with a new year and hopefully a new attitude. . I am determined to make things better for my self this year.
Lets see...2010. Not too much stands out other than the usual, school and friends. I can definitly say that I am not sad to see this year go. It has been one of the most stressful for me. Alot of new things and alot of the same. My views of many things including the future changed. I started an internship at my local humane society hoping to pad my college apps and ended up realizing I'll probably end up at a junior college. This use to freak me out, the fact that its just not...where "normal" overachievers end up. But I've realized that I've got my whole life ahead of me. Whats two years compared to the 60, 70, or even 80 years I still have to live. I'm only 16.
I've also come to terms with all my past friendships and such and just...understood them a bit better, learned that the past is the past and that it should stay there.
All in all, 2010 = changes , good and bad. 
A few signicant things that happened in 2010:
- Blogging
- Driving
- Failing grade (possibly - does a D count?)
- Braces
- New room
- Etc..

Resolutions:
- Work harder on school
- Walk my dog more often
- Try to make things easier for my parents (helping around the house, cooking, cleaning..)
- Stop procrastinating
- Stop being so hard on myself
- Speak out more

“ I’m going to cut to the chase. Life is too short to hang around with bitchy, negative people. So don’t. In high school you want to surround yourself with people who “get you.” You know. People who get your sense of humor and think you’re funny. True friends are those who support your dreams and cheer you on. They provide a soft place for you to fall and are there to comfort you (and eat cookies ‘n’ cream ice cream with you when you’re blue.) Real friends don’t slag you off the moment your back is turned or routinely put you down or humiliate you in front of others. Real friends don’t leave you out. Instead, real friends have your back. In other worlds, they’re fiercely loyal and protective. My friend describes finding real friends as finding your “tribe” which I think is the perfect way to describe it. Your tribe is made up of people you click with. People you can trust. People who would see the world the way you see it. People who like the same things as you. So choose your friends at school who are from your tribe and high school will be way more enjoyable. ”

:)

Hey guys! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!
I had a nice day, just sitting at home with my family. As for presents, I got a bunch of random stuff (money, clothes etc), but my big gift was a laptop! I've been needing a new computer for a while because the one I'm currently using is a dinosaur. We had it updated a few years ago, but it got a virus so we had to reset all the programming and stuff so its back to its original Windows 2000 form. Its so old it won't let me have Itunes on my computer so I've been living without my ipod for several months.I'm especially excited to install Itunes and update my ipod.
Hmm, what else, what else?
I doubt you all care but I painted my nails with Maybelline's Express Finish in the color Minty. Its like a minty pastel green.


It's my last week of freedom. I have to go back on the 3rd of Janurary. I'm glad were all starting off with a fresh start though, maybe this time I'll get a B in math. That'll be one of my new year resolutions.
Its almost 2011. Crazy stuff! Only 4 more days untill the new year. Whos excited? :)
XOXO

christmas eve

It's Christmas tomorrow!! I'm getting ready to go to church and thought I'd do a quick little blog post before going.
...Actually, I don't really have anything to say. Haha.
Well anyways, I hope you all had a nice day and if you celebrate Christmas, I hope its wonderful!
XOXO.

random

I'm craving jelly beans.. Just thought I'd let you all know.

“ I’ve learned that no matter what happen, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ”

i want a boy

I am jealous. I want a guy. Even if its just a simple little crush, the feeling you get from them are great. Something to wake up excited about, someone who makes me want to look my best and put my makeup on for.
My two best friends have found guys recently. One has a boyfriend and the other is still in the "friend" stage but is slowly make her way up. The friend-stage friend called me freaking about her hangout session with the guy tomorrow. It made me really miss that nervous-giddy-excited kind of of feeling.
I think(hope) its because of the lack of guys around me. I mean, there ones that school but they're the same crowd of guys from middle school. My two friends found their guys elsewhere. The one with the boyfriend actually moved to another school and the other met the guy through a community theater play.
School is a no go for guys. So where else? I don't do anything other than that. Well, that and my internship at the animal shelter but considering I'm just an intern, I don't usually meet guys that are my age level. I have passed the intern phase and will soon become a student volunteer, but I doubt I'll be put with any guy then too. So thats it. Thats my life. School and volunteering. Sad, isn't it.
I know I shouldn't need a boy to make me feel happy or complete and I shouldn't just sit here pining and wanting one to come. And I don't just want one just for the sake of wanting one. I should be able to wait for the perfect guy.  I've got my whole life ahead of me.Why rush, right? Thats true, but easier said than done.  I want just to feel those perfect-melt-your-heart movie moments that you see everywhere; the ones people sing songs about, and the ones that people like Nicolas Sparks write about. I want to feel wanted and loved. I want someone to wrap there arms around me and hold me and just make me feel like a princess.
Someday, I'll have those perfect movie moments. I guess I just gotta wait. I can totally do that.. But aybe tomorrow, some totally hot amazing guy will show up at my door step. Haha, highly unlikely, but hey, a girl can dream.

music

I've been a bit down lately, for a bunch of stupid reasons that I'm not even completely sure of. I don't know, I just feel kinda empty and...kinda lost. I keep thinking about math, which is really stupid because I'm letting some grade rule my life, but its not just that. I mean it is, but its more of the fact that I'm going to let my parents down. They'll be so disappointed. They don't know. As childish as it may be, I've hidden the last few progress reports. I thought I'd be able to raise up my grade in time for the semester grades. But I didn't. I've been thinking about my future, college, all that fun stuff. And I'm afraid that I'll never be able to make anything  of my self. I used to think I was smart, but now I've realized I just do the work. I don't actually know anything. I keep my grade up by doing things like homework or projects. But when it comes down to tests, or anything where you have to apply your knowledge, I don't even know where to start. I just feel...stupid. And I'm afraid that I am. Anyway, enough with all this "I'm such a failure" stuff. I have a habit of just pushing things away. I like to pretend I'm not sad, which works most of the time but at some point you have to do something to let out your frustrations and anger.  As cliche as it may seem, I turn to music and food. So, I thought I'd list the songs I listen to most when I'm sad. I thought about listing the kinds of food I eat, but I don't have a specific type of food, I just eat what ever looks good in the fridge.
These are all about relationships but, I mean, they do give you that sad wallowing in self pity kinda effect, so it works.

1. Breathe - Taylor Swift
2. Broken - Lifehouse
3. Break Even - The Script
(These all start with the letter B...strange...)
4. No Surprise- Daughtry

awkward little "secrets"

This post-idea-thing is stolen from Voice of a Nerd. These are just some of the random awkward things I do.

- I have watched all the episodes of Wizards Of Waverly Place and Hannah Montana. I know, Its ridiculous. Here I am in my junior year of high school and I still watch crazy shows meant for elementary kids. I do, however watch normal shows too. My favorites are One Tree Hill, Life Unexpected and Glee.
- I am horrified of raw meats. And eggs. I rather have my food burnt than have the possibility of finding the pink parts in a steak or the mushy bits of an egg.
- I do everything in unnoticed patterns. Example: Sidewalks - One foot on crack the other on the middle. French-Fries - Longer fries are eaten in 3 bites, Shorter ones in 2.
- I eat my feelings. 
- The reason all my post titles aren't capitalized is because in one of my first posts I couldn't figure out whether "of" should be capitalized or not.
- I cry about everything. When I'm mad, sad, happy, I cry. I'm just a crier.
- Sometimes I make sounds unconsciously. Last year in history class while doing book work, I made a very quiet "meow" kinda sound. I didn't think anyone would hear me. One kid turned around and asked me if I meowed. I denied it. Everyone around him thought he was high and "tripping".
- I am proud of how much of a goody- two shoes I am. And usually I'm an overachiever but this year, I just lost my game.
- Sometimes, I conjure up imaginary people and have conversations with them in my head.

That is all I can think of for now, but this was a fun post so a part 2 might be coming up. XOXO

"Bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you’re not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. The big moments are gonna come, you can’t help that. It’s what you do afterwards that counts, that’s when you find out who you really are."

winter break

It is officially winter break. I am SOOO SOOO happy.Now I can do to sleep when I want, And wake up when I want. Haha. I can eat whenever I want too. :) As you may or may not already know, I'm a total foodie.
Thats it for now..But I'm sure I'll be back later. This was a pretty bland post ( as if my other ones are more exciting), So I try to think of something more exciting (which probably wont happen)...

XOXO

done!

I am done with math! ...For this semester anyway.
But it feels so good! Like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders! I'm free!!!!
I do think I bombed the test though...Whatever. I could care less (thats a lie)!!!

That was all I wanted to say....I got new nail polish today! It's the Maybelline Express Finish set. They are soo pretty! My favorite is "Rapidly Rosy".
Yes. I am procrastinating. BUT only one day left! I can do it! One more day. YES! Sooo happy! Winter vacation here I come!

tomorrow..

..Is my math final! AHHHHH!
 I better get studying. Only I won't. I'm such a bad study-er, But I guess I should at least try.
Wish me luck everyone! Todaloooo.

what do i call these random lists?

- Again, its finals week.
- Soooo ready for the week to be over. Can't wait for winter break.
- School gets out super early tomorrow. 12:31. YES! And might I point out, that extra minute. Odd stuff. 
- Just tried to curl my hair, got bored and gave up. It takes wayy to long..
- I really should be studying..And finishing up my review sheet, but hey, only 10 more problems left.
- My grades are shit this year. Well, other than math, there not too bad but compared to my usual there bad. I have basically all Bs. They are really close to an A-, though, so maybe it'll go up with finals? Doubtfull, I'm a horrible test taker.
- I think I"ll end up with a C in math... Definitely not what I would have liked but hey, It better than an F.
- Christmas is soo soon! I can't believe it.
- I guess with all this math grade stuff, I just lost track of time. I haven't done any Christmas shopping though. I gotta get on that.
- I want to repaint my nails, but I know if I do, I'll never start my history stuff. I can't use a pencil when my nails aren't dry.
- I have some random Avril Lavienge song stuck in my head. Weird. Its from like forever ago. I don't know the title but it goes something like, "And the memories so close to me just fade away, all this time you were pretending so much for my happy ending.." I think its "Happy Ending" or "Ending" ?
- I got a new calender. Its pretty and matches my wall. Haha. My walls are teal and a light cucumber green. The top half is teal and the bottom half is green. Not the calender, my wall. The calender has a light paisly flowerly design behind the date boxes.
- Yeah, I'm not sure why I decided it was necessary to decribe my calander to you, but I did do so.
- Okay, I guess I better get started on that study guide now.
- XOXO

“ Do you ever just get that feeling where you don’t want to talk to anybody? You don’t want to smile & you don’t want to fake being happy but at the same time you don’t know exactly what’s wrong either, there isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone, people have stopped being comforting, & being alone never was. At least when you’re alone no one constantly asks you what’s wrong & there isn’t anyone who won’t take “I don’t know” for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon & that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait. ”

day nine

Two smily faces that describe how I am feeling:
:P and  :|

random question 1

Random Question #1. 
What spells can you cast with magic markers?

The objects I draw will come to life...Not exactly come to life, but it'll become a real 3d object you can hold and feel. Like if I draw an apple, it won't be an apple that talks and walk, It'll just pop out of the page and I'll eat it. Unless I draw a face on the apple, then it will actually come to life and I'd have an upbeat conversation about kangaroos with it.
Come to think of it, I am craving a candy cane so I think I'll draw my self one..Just in case your wondering, no it does not have a face.

If you guys have any fun random questions for me, please leave a comment! :)
xoxo.

day eight

3 turn ons:

1. Good looks - It may seem shallow, but how could you be with someone your not attracted to?
2. Putting in a little extra effort to make me smile and feel happy.
3. Trustworthiness - making me feel safe.

listing

- Its the end of dead week. Thank god. I have so many review sheets to do this weekend, its crazy.
- My contacts are drying on me...Hold on, I'm making my self yawn. Whenever I yawn, I get teary so it re-wettens my contacts. Just a little fun fact.
- My friends and I sang along to Jason Mraz in High Tech Burrito today and another table joined in. Made my day.
- I love it. I love to sing. There just something about it, losing your self in the music. It makes you much more of a happy person. I don't think I have gone one day without singing, I really dont..
- I'm craving macaroni and cheese.
- I'm super excited for winter break. Just gotta get through finals... :|
- I've had Taylor Swift's Sparks Fly stuck in my head ALL DAY. Still is there. 
- I don't know what else to list....Booooooo
- I'm getting a little bored with the 10 day challenge. Its probably because I don't have any good answers to them.. Oh well.
- I like rambling. I'm just out of things to ramble about....

--Listening to : Only Exception - Paramore

“ You know that moment you feel when you wake up and realize you have more time to sleep? Or, when you accidentally overhear someone say something nice about you? Or when you see someone you like and your heart races? Or even when you reach a goal you set for yourself? Now, remember what that feels like - and next time you’re upset, or sad, or crying - think about that feeling. ”

day seven

Four turnoffs:

1. Bad hygiene
2. Big ego
3. Shallow-ness
4. No compassion

day six

I feel like I've done this or something like this before... Did I? Maybe it was just in my head???? Hm....

Five people who mean alot :
1. My parents
2. My sister
3. Jessie Lark
4. Hannah Jelman
5. Malina Core

6. Leo (my dog)

its possible.

So. Finals are next week..Meaning its impossible to get my grade up. I'm going to fail. Adjdhfhgsgs. I don't even know what to do. What am I going to do??!! Its too late to do anything.. I have a test retake tomorrow but it'll be averaged out with the original score, 33%, so even if I get a 100% the highest it would go is a 66%. I'm screwed. What am I going to do!!?! I AM LOSING IT.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
The extra credit still hasn't been entered in...so...if I get a 100% (which is doubtfull) my tests percentage will go up to a 76%. And then homework would be 100.7%.....but quizzes are still at a 47%....so that would put me around a C-? If I ace my finals....a B?
Its possible. But unlikely. But possible. And unlikely. But possible.  POSSIBLE. POSSIBLE.POSSIBLE. POSSIBLE.
AHHHHHH. Wish me luck guys. I will definitely need it.
ASDFGHJKLSDFGLXCVUYIOLSXCIONK:WXRCTVYBUNOIMLZSXDCFVGHJK
I'M SO SCARED. ASDFGHJKLOAIYSD&ADFAGHD

day five

6 things I wish I'd never done. Well this ones tough. We all have regrets. But I'm not sure if I can pick 6 and just list them. I think I'll be skipping this one. But that would mean I failed the challange. Well, technically I already did because this is my 6th day, not 5th. I missed a day. Hmm, well I guess I'll try to make this general. Bare with me, this will be a lame post.

1. Said what I said.
2. Done what I did.
3. Didn't say what I should have said.
4. Didn't do what I should have done.
5. Not giving things my all. I could have done so much better.
6. Ditto on all those ^^^

“ I don’t know what I want to do with my life, I just know I want to do it. I want to see my world. I want to meet every single person breathing on this earth. I want to give everyone a hug or a handshake and I want to make someone’s life a little easier. I want to be different than the people I know because that’s what makes us beautiful. ”

day four

7 things that pass my mind alot:

1. The past.
2. The future.
3. Grades.
4. Friends.
5. Boys.
6. Food.
7. Random-est things.

-- Listening to: No Surprise by Daughtry 

day three

8 ways to win my heart:

1. Make me laugh
2. Make me feel special
3. Be able to keep up a conversation. I'm horrible at that, so I'd need the other person to be able to keep it going and interesting.
4. Don't be cocky. Unless its a sarcastic awkwardly cute but funny kinda way.
5. Stand up for me when some one says/does something mean
6. Don't be afraid to be different. I'm weird, I'd need someone to be weird with me.
7.Make me feel loved ans wanted
8. Cheesy romantic gestures. I love that stuff

“ Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope. ”

--Listening to : Hello Hollywood by Olvia Mitchell

day two

1. I'm 5'3/8
2. I get things in my eye alll the time. I think they just attract things like lint and eyelashes..
3. I have read my favorite book, Flipped, at least 30 times.
4. I listen to my favorite songs on repeat until I get tired of them, and then move on to another favorite.
5. I go through phases where I obsess over a particular thing. Latest obsession: candles and french fries.
6. I am currently eating blueberries
7. I prefer the toilet paper to roll off the top
8. I like the smell of freshly wet cement.
9. I think I may be allergic to the cold. I get itchy and blotchy pink.